How To Deal With Controlling Family Members

Dealing With Difficult Family Members – 9 Important Steps

Nov 27, 2018 Relationships

From attending family gatherings, to dealing with in-laws, or managing a spoilt boomerang child who has moved dorsum home — what are the all-time ways to bargain with difficult family members?

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ix WAYS TO HANDLE DIFFICULT Family MEMBERS

1. Get the timing correct.

The merely truly productive form of interaction is 'charge-costless ' — non coming from a place of acrimony or upset.

If the surroundings is stressful and you are emotional, or yous or they are wearied and already had a bad day? And then the timing simply isn't right for confrontation or big decisions.

You are family. You aren't going anywhere. Let yourself off the hook and step away so talk when you are both rested.

two. Give yourself all the attention.

Here's the matter well-nigh family unit drama — information technology can be quite addictive. We find ourselves e'er talking about it, or constantly approaching the other person, fifty-fifty if nosotros are having the same conflict once more and again. Or perhaps you are even codependent, constantly trying to 'help' or 'change' the difficult family unit member.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is step dorsum and put our attention on the one thing we exercise take some control over – ourselves.

And so nosotros actually take energy to deal with hard people ameliorate.

What can you do to increase your cocky care and psychological wellbeing? How tin can yous go your own life dorsum on track?

3. . Communicate clearly.

Despite ever being around family, we can communicate with themless than we do with people we simply met. We presume family know what we are thinking or want, or that other family members accept told them.

Take a moment to write down exactly how you feel near the situation with the hard family unit member and the exact things you'd like to happen. Write it like a factual study. If y'all read this out to the person, would he or she exist surprised?

4. Surrender the gaming.

Before y'all claim you never play games, consider of you are guilty of whatever of the followingadvice tricks.

you lot pull the by into every discussion (you said, you lot did)
or pull other people who aren't fifty-fifty there into it (well he/she/anybody else agrees that…)
or even get-go discussions with other people present and so make them get involved
and y'all make information technology a contest (I know I am right).

Go and read our article on "Advice Nether Stress" and go honest near where its 'all going wrong and what you can practice to set information technology.

5. Get large on boundaries.

Nosotros recollect we've made it clear we are not going to drive home a family member the side by side time they get drunkard.

But really, we didn't tell that purlieus to the person in question but some other family member, expecting information technology get shared. Or we set information technology in the middle of a fight when in that location was then much yelling nobody could hear. Or nosotros said it one time, quickly, as we rushed out the door. Then we are furious when that said family fellow member 'dares to telephone call u.s.'.

Boundaries need to be:

set conspicuously, in simple linguistic communication
said straight to the person in question
shared at a calm moment when everyone is able to listen
repeated until heard.

If the very thought of setting a boundary in the first place terrifies you lot, then first things offset. Read our manufactures on "How to Say No" and "Signs You Need to Fix Boundaries".

6. Mind like it's the first time.

When information technology comes to family unit, nosotros tin assume we know what they are going to say. We actually exercise 'selective listening'. Our brains seek 'proof' that nosotros are right about the other person then blanks out the rest.

When we don't mind to someone, we are communicating that the other person is not worthwhile, that nosotros are amend than them, that we will never requite them a run a risk. Is information technology any wonder they keep upwards the disharmonize?

Properly and fully listening to someone is perhaps one of the most transformational relationship tools out in that location. Go read our article "How to Listen Like a Therapist" and endeavor information technology for yourself.

7. Manage information technology with mindfulness.

Family visiting for a few weeks? Or tin't handle your teenager and it's still years until he or she is off to academy?

Mindfulness is an incredible tool when we experience trapped by a state of affairs. A series of techniques all geared to help you lot be fully in the nowadays moment, mindfulness helps you lay aside your upset nearly the past. You tin can finish panicking nigh what is adjacent and simply deal with the here and now.

Go our "Free Guide to Mindfulness" and teach yourself how quickly and easily.

8. Switch perspective.

We are not more often than not born miserable, manipulative, or mean. We go that mode considering of difficult experiences.

Attempting to see another person'south perspective tin can mean not that we suddenly hold with them, merely that we can cease taking things so personally.

At the end of the day, if your mother in law grew upwards rejected by her own family and then that the only person she felt connected to was her own son? Then she would have been cold and competitive to anyone who married him.

9. When all else fails, accept.

Acceptance is not well-nigh letting the other person 'go away with things'.

Instead, acceptance is about realising that the person losing out the well-nigh in your want to bring the family member to justice or force peace between you is… you. You are losing your energy, your mental wellbeing, and often the respect of other family members.

What would information technology feel like if, even for but one day, you accepted that the other person would never run across your viewpoint, never change? Or that you'd never exist close and that was okay?

How much of a relief would information technology feel to give up the battle? And what other things could you do with that energy instead?

The fastest way to handle hard members?

Seek support.

The problem with family unit drama is that we tend to plough to other family members for help. Just they are invested in the state of affairs. Their advice will exist tarnished by their ain needs, no matter how well-pregnant or how much they dear you.

A professional counsellor or therapist is only invested in your wellbeing. They tin can give y'all clarity yous tin't notice lone, and they can be a non judgmental sounding lath when it all gets to much. You tin learn and practice ameliorate communication, and strategies that make your family life that much easier.

Harley Therapy connects you with top London counsellors and therapists who tin assist you with family issues. Not in London? Our sister site helps book a therapist across the UK, and a Skype therapist if you are overseas.

Even so have a question about treatment difficult family members? Ask beneath.